Daily Insanity September 16, 2022

I was so overwhelmed with the list of medications that I had to sort through and figure out… the meds are new and different than before this hospital stay … (side note - each hospital stay brings a new doctor, with a new idea of the meds to treat Brother’s illness … no communication or continuity… that would be too easy … or, dare I say logical & efficient? aka the SANE way of doing things? I have tried, and the caseworker has tried to communicate this info over and over and over again, all to no avail) …  Both the caseworker and the social worker were gone for the weekend and the home healthcare was not set up in time, so I had to tend to Brother’s open, diabetic, foot wounds (beyond gross to look at and the smell is new and different each time … woohoo!!) and I also had to deal with setting up his medications in the med box by myself… I went and got food for him (which entails lugging half gallons of Milk and OJ, at Brother's request, I have stopped fighting his food choices a long time ago … he says if he dies sooner as a result of his food he’s fine with that, his food is one thing in this life that gives him comfort) I got him all set up… now he’s gone and running around Vegas somewhere … it is 9 PM on Friday night September 16 … Who knows where he is and his feet are not taken care of … (He almost lost his feet last year over these wounds) 

He could easily get picked up by the cops for any multitude of his behaviors, which has included urinating in public lately, his bladder control is low due to the medicines and when he has to go, if he doesn’t go right then, he will have an accident, but he can not always judge when he needs to go in time to find a restroom. He did it in front of a women and child, he was not aware they were even there … but that could have easily resulted in a sex offender charge, then he would have to register as a sex offender, one more thing to add to the list of things to take care of … not to mention that follows you forever … all because he could not control his bladder due to his meds and not having the sense to think out his bathroom breaks. I now need to ask him all the time if he needs to go to the restroom, like a 5-year-old kid … Welcome to insanity …

He could also easily land in jail for soliciting a prostitute … that has happened … Valentine’s Day circa 2012 at the MGM… actually, it was a cop who solicited him, or shall I say entrapped him … she asked if he wanted to party upstairs, of course he did!  That is what he was doing on the strip in the first place, to find a girlfriend or wife … in his childlike mind, he wanted to go party with a pretty girl and he was all set to go and then she asked how much he was going to pay … he was surprised, but thought oh well, if she wants some money, I will give her some money … Brother is very generous to everyone, he will give money to homeless people, extra big tips to waiters, drivers and barbers, he wanted to contribute to whatever kind of party was happening … yeah, it was definitely entrapment, but we cannot always fight such battles, we have to pick the ones we fight, or we lose our precious time and energy … (Important to see Daily Insanity Feb. 17, 2022 ... more about this story ... )

He could also get picked up for his anger outbursts, happened in Tucson right before he moved to Vegas, we had to fly back and forth for FEDERAL VA court since he is a veteran … ended in anger management courses in Vegas.  Mom still had her car and condo there for a little while after her stroke, so we were staying there for the court hearings and using her car. We (Bro & I) had to fly to Tucson about 3-4 times. He had threatened an upstairs neighbor that he was going to kill him, his wife, his unborn child, his dog, his cat and his goldfish … I asked “Bro … the Goldfish?” he replied “Yea, that was to show I was kidding …“ (Both Mom and Brother have ALWAYS had trouble with the noise from the upstairs neighbors … part of their mental illness) The truth of the matter is, Brother has never hurt anyone … never hit or physically harmed anyone, ever … I knew it was an empty threat, but the neighbors, police and condo complex took it dead seriously as there had been a murder in the complex about 8 months earlier … Brother was evicted … I will tell you the story of the move out another time … let’s stick to the story at hand … as we were going to court in Mom’s car, Bro spills his orange soda all over the passenger floor boards, he’s on trial for threatening murder and what he really needs, is a sippy cup! So cleaned up that sticky mess up … when I asked how that happened “I don’t know, I don’t know …” Rrrrrr …. We were going to court, and they kept changing the public defenders on us … I asked if anyone had told the prosecutor that Brother was mentally ill … the answer … NO! … I had noticed the prosecutor kept looking/staring at me every time we were there … I was at fighting weight back then, and I have been told too many times to count that I am beautiful … I put on my signature red lipstick, low cut v-neckline dress and sauntered up to him and asked if anyone had told him my brother was seriously mentally ill?  He answered “No” … the case was dropped to anger management classes that afternoon, no more flights back and forth … the public defender got prickly and asked what I was doing talking to the prosecutor … I looked at him and said, “YOUR JOB!”

One more true story of how he might get arrested … once he was in a 7-11, on Boulder Highway, without his wallet. He has all of his bank account numbers memorized. He wanted a hot dog and a beer … so he grabbed a hot dog from the grill, a beer from the frig and started to eat and drink them … he went up to the cashier to give his bank account info to pay for them, but the clerk called the cops … 6 cop cars arrived guns drawn … PUT DOWN THE HOT DOG!!! I mean … WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Right?! Brother thought it was a great honor that 6 of Metros finest were there to arrest him … he thought it was a tribute to his character …

There are 100 more stories like these … Maybe you will get to hear them all … I’ll try to remember and dictate each of them over the course of time …

So now you know why I get a little nervous when he gets out of the hospital and is not balanced yet … he could get arrested for numerous things or even shot in the confusion of it all … these traumas come back to me in a split second and run through my mind like a secretary rolling through a rolodex for data needed in the moment, these visions all roll through my head as possible outcomes in the moment, causing renewed trauma … I have PTSD+, so needless to say … this does not help the situation!!

It’s a good thing he did not have the warrant out for his arrest yet, which happened at Henderson Hospital in October 2022 … January 2023 court date, I’ll fill you in on that one when we get the results of court …

This is why I need to take it all one day at a time … Lord help us … and He does … every day … Thank you Jesus …